Barbecue

If only the subject line were anti-spam-bot google-bait...

So, I've been watching the collected Alton Bruininiana that the folks
over at digital distractions have archived, and I came across, in an
episode entitled "Q", a plan for constructing a home smoker out of two
unglazed terracotta flower pots, a hotplate, and a replacement grill.

Said contraption was constructed for the benefit of an anonymous pork
shoulder butt, and the later benefit of the consumers of said butt.

Genius.

My jaw dropped several times, first in astonishment, then to remove
rapidly pooling anticipatory saliva.

Last weekend, I built this smoker and smoked a three pound prime rib
roast to doneness in six hours.

Ingredients
^^^^^^^^^^^

One 3.5lb kosher angus prime rib roast (3.5lb@$12.99 per pound=$45.00)
-bones cut-off and tied to roast for easy removal
Rub - ground peppercorns, toasted cumin, rosemary, fresh minced garlic,
salt, olive oil. Enough to coat.
Hickory wood chunks
16 in. diameter terracotta planter pot
12 in. diameter terracotta planter bowl
1100W nichrome single burner hot-plate with adjustable control
6 in. stainless steel dish
18 in. Weber replacement grill rack (fits snugly on the inner ring of
the bottom pot)
Charbroil replacement grill temperature gauge
concrete single cell cinder block with ventilation holes chipped in it
by pickaxe

procedure
^^^^^^^^^

daydream about beef barbecue for two weeks
buy supplies
kibitz with butcher and fiancée
allow self to be argued into spending too much money on a cut of meat
rationalize purchase by thinking that steaks could be cut from it to
grill in case of utter extremity
drive two hours to the seashore through pre-rush Friday traffic
arrive late afternoon
purchase fish for shabbos essen
scramble to set up grill
grill salmon and flounder on the charcoal kettle grill
eat icecream for dessert
go to shul
sleep

wake up from dreams of bbq and regents examinations
set brick on ground
go back inside to get extension cord
run extension cord to outlet
set hotplate, switched on, in big pot, running cord through the bottom
drain hole
plug hotplate in
wonder why hotplate isn't heating
get old electric alarm clock to check status of garage outlet
use alarm clock to check shorting status of extension cord
get different extension cord
realize that the extension cords aren't rated for 15A and something in
the hotplate is detecting the voltage drop and shutting the element off
clean junk away from garage wall underneath outlet in order to
wheel grill underneath outlet
set cinderblock on grill rack
set planter on cinderblock, running powercord through holes cleverly
chipped with a mining pickaxe into cinderblock after discovery that all
of grandma's planter feet are mysteriously vanished
plug hotplate in
cheer when nichrome heats
put hickory chunks in cheap stainless bowl on top of element
oiled rack in bottom pot
place cover bowl
place thermometer blocking hole in coverbowl
allow to heat till smoke rises from charring hickory enough to warm to
210 degrees F
rub roast
recline roast on oiled rack
open periodically to check progress
taste bark forming on roast
make lunch fixings
kibitz with bbq enthusiast guest and patient fiancée
rest on beach
make dinner fixings
check inter temp of roast with instant read thermometer - 120 degrees
wait hour
check inter temp of roast still 120degrees
consult with fiancée (who is not a fan of rareish meat)
wait hour
check inter temp of roast still 120 what's happening?
fire up grill
untwine roast from rib bones
slice into steaks (fine grain structure fully medium rare in doneness,
bark divine
grill on charcoal grill till the unrendered fat renders
serve
savor
surfeit
realize there's beef ribs
grill ribs
slice ribs
fiancée picks at ribs
devours rib
eat rib
realize the rib was better than the roast
recline
take in sea air
walk to mint sorbet and video store
Willy Wonka
sleep

dream of beef ribs