Ersatz epithets - suitably censored and diligently prepared for use in the classroom:
holy bajoly
munking dunkits
crazy as a Bactrian Camel
"Stiff knees, slack jaw. Please reverse."
"Whan that Aprille with his shoures soote"
"You Posadist left-deviationist!"
"Two mountains shall never meet, Miss Pena."
"Thank you, Leo!"
"Cheerily Hittite!"